I’m clearing over a pass

and looking at the sky less

There is a culmination within me and my words

start belonging to you

I can see my thoughts repeat

and that I pay more attention to the wall right above me on lonelier days

I really think I’m funny - the way I laugh alone

The ceiling around the lightbulb turned black

Eyes of intake

Your hands had the same feeling as sun on my skin

Air bubbles shined alkaline

I am trying to read

Unvoiced suggestions 

Why do I feel sick

The edge along your irises faded more blue

I am talking to the creature I live with

Remembering

i feel ruined

not because i am weak

because i was never supposed to be treated that way

and deceit is undiscerning and furthermore

evil

Recently

I get used to each face it just becomes feeling 

and I stay outside past peripheral

at what point do you trust someone to not get lost

out of sight. out of mind

I’m not friends with anyone who thinks they're going to heaven 

I think the sun should get closer

Thinking about you makes the ivy grow 

The way the room becomes blue in the background of the sun rising on your skin

I am no longer as green

I guess that is why

Hearing a telephone ring from the house next door felt unexpectedly comforting

Even if she picked up and answered in another language than mine

I guess getting a call from someone is something heartwarming

Remember

Why do I memorize your face

and look at the palm of my hand

I sleep with both eyes extremely closed

and I’ve been losing touch.

Satellites are as dense as clouds now

and I only look at my reflection on the trains that pass by

and constantly feel the need to invent new ways to tell time.

I've found a way to breath underwater 

so my dreams have been conversations lately

Maybe you worry I don't know you 

I’m trying to send a message somewhere I cannot see

My head was clear enough I spotted two stars in the green sky

I waited to see if they would move apart or closer

According to protocol 

Satellites will fool you

Hail

Salting my hair

So I’m holding your pinky without a promise

How ridiculous

Knocking on an empty shell that echoes

I leave it empty so it echoes louder

to be tormented…

10/16/24

wired cicadas drowsy

glazed into the lamps

electricity moved in ways which had sound

insects piled into fingers

blood and semen pooled 

lying still 

noise escaped 

vacuum chamber room

lacking matter

there is a difference between floating and falling with resistance

Korea

The sun sank into the ocean as it does

Mountain tunnels and electrical towers strung peak to peak

Shadows in the trees form words

Netted rock walls

A group of silver trees

A smudged building streaked with the color of the sky

Stained!

The salt pushes against my skin that is

like a tightly woven cloth

Bloated and bleeding sweat

Stained 

Too many times too many 

On the top of my lip and under my eyes 

I couldn't possibly breathe 

A wish

So small I'm sewn onto you

But I'm swelling 

I worry

Burrowed beneath the ground I stand on

Hollowing any solidity 

Between my feet and the earth's core

You lie waiting

Grinding your teeth 

Blisters in your ears

The sun has never looked closer

Yet you are stuck at the center of the world 

The voices taste sweeter eating sliced oranges

Grey patina silk

I grew teeth and hair and

Inherited a cyst the size of an orange

neverlasting

Narcissistic and vain

Better than being lame

Ring a round o' roses a pocket full of posers

Wring my fucking neck

Stitch my two brows together

Embalm me before I die

You'll still fall fast asleep

Float

It was a net made of strings from my heart

How do you hold my whole body and suspend it?

Are you still missing the skin on your pinky and ring finger?

Or did skin grow over me?

I only smoked cigarettes to keep you alive

Of course it burned a hole through those strings

So now I've fallen through and use it as a blanket 

It is l o v e

Greeted by a lacking 

Doomed to only hearing 

footsteps against the ceiling and a longing to recognize 

The window pane shivering 

the heat 

the wind

your eyes

wait for the sun to pass the irises 

because there is something abrupt

kept to watch the dark waver along cement piles

I was looking for another word for expectations

Being with you feels like a wire fence

I can't keep my eyes closed

because I get nauseous from watching the dark masses bombard into each other,

hearing the noise sucked from the air with an indiscernible force,

amassing into a derangement that would unwind me.

Alternate

But the loneliness is a longer one

And i think about this riding the bus to you

How the ellipse grows

As the gravity pulls all of us down and I expect it to end in a broken release

But there isn't one and we float in a suspension that deceptively feels like we're still falling 

My fault

I didn't realize until now that it was unconditional and it is my fault that my veins are now pumping through my skin pulling away suddenly pulsating on the floor like vines 

I will not survive

The steel cutting 

vocal chords soft 

finger pads on leather drum

palm open for nickels

the sky is still light

No title

When I’m with you my thoughts are longer

And more beautiful 

Not broken 

I need to shower

Coaxed up into the night

By light and sound drummed down

Magnets buried in the electric field 

Thirst for a spark, a cling

Parched

A walk through the wet grass, sparkling

Exposed and vulnerable in the openness

unreliable

like the light of the moon

Partial

Or half hidden

But in the moments

That are darkest 

Pitched in black

She seems

Most useful

the pond froze in summer

and autumn was blue

Feel to understand 

Feel with understanding

How do you feel

Like understanding

What does it feel like

Like standing under feelings