misery softened you
seeking to become solid
perhaps
it’s much easier to melt into
empty spaces
and i suppose it’s only natural to freeze sometimes
to emulsify or even coagulate
to change conditions every day
as long as the night is cool and still until morning
to catch the dew from yesterday
but strong winds could turn the plain grey and dry
and it would be heavy all the time
a sailor without rank or fortune
what will it be like once I have something to lose
have I been avoiding it
this red light keeps following me
or is it just a color that catches your eye
power pulled from the walls
I want to find my dream tonight
and then follow it until the world falls around me
and all that there’s left might be you
being hurt is much bolder and braver
to receive wounds
and intake suffering
rather than a deflection of rage
and kindness is a noble sacrifice
and to tend to your wounds is survival
how if you may ignore them you will die
why do wielded knives tall heights fangs claws tears and poison feel much more comfortable to be surrounded in im sure its a simple answer except that it shouldnt be
learning something difficult is never easy - is what my mom keeps telling me
I still have yet to accept this fully
Will I be satisfied when I die if I don’t?
I can no longer hold your hand and feel your warmth between my fingers
I am just talking about a cigarette
stupid
but there is something i am missing from you
and i think it is my fault i am not receiving it
sand blooms
swallowed sky
suddenly ii’s so fucking cold
who is going to rest their head on me when nabi is gone
when she comes over to keep me warm when i cry
what a terrible curse it is to let something become a part of you
home-free !
old friend Orion
paints my lungs a little black
the brightness of a star right beside me
we don’t ask them to provide warmth
because i am a sailor !
I am happy
they don’t love me anymore
to have had all my friends
and went swimming, clear water in my mouth tasting sweet,, salt water soaring my throat and swelling my tongue
that certain sun on my face that makes me remember
shaking moments of fear because i love you and relief of sacrifice and no consequence
and i can see they have made me love myself
and that’s why it is shiny the surface of the water
even though the ocean is so dark and deep
but how blue is the sea when our time is short
and i can tell your eyes will make me cry
how i forget in front of you
everything
I know I am not ill because I can feel pain !
because i have felt sick before
maybe that is why i look to get hurt
and why it feels so good
but i think it might be good now to accept being completely okay
where the dark of night is safe to sleep
walking alone but knowing i am not
feeling a swell of tears for immense happiness
I’ll stay within the ripples
until the river floods back
inhale through my ears
bits of tobacco numb my tongue
filled buckets of river
Because the dampness and the trembling and sharp edges were not beautiful
I feel there is wind inside your head
It is dark and incomprehensible
You smelled like river
This was after I let go of the dragonfly caught in a wooden box
and now there is a new scent and this one is easier to read
I singed my hair
from their roots
but we were under insulating snow cover
and it is warmer because of it
and I like when it rains because you don’t have to put out your cigarettes before flicking them off the fire escape
I caught a cold biking in the rain
Oh
I have learned that kindness makes me freeze
im sorry feels like a four hour long tower held up by a string
i guess this is why it takes me some time to thaw
Lots of clay to mold
Very plastic
Dream about folding a heavy blanket
I don't think my vocabulary knows how to express
But unfortunately I don't think that's the reason I don't feel ready
You can't fold something so thick and have it sit neatly
it pushes back no matter how long you sit on it
If you went I would maybe go
are just some words I feel in my sleep
lostless + in love w cliché
I completely understand
it is easier to place your soul elsewhere
in such a dream a flight away
and an alternate reality
so to not wake up in this one again
where the light seems always yellow and soft
and a voice soaked in something sweet like honey
so now it is extremely dark here and it is impossible to listen to anything but music
which makes you want to cry sometimes
and you wonder why you feel so lost
how lucky was I to meet you again six years later
to learn I am just really good at dreaming
happy, unfortunately
I feel ill prepared
glowing ash was shaped more like a wall
clouds below are black moving faster gliding under the above grey
my fingertips touch each other without recognition
silky however resilient
uncareful and less calculated
pulling a sliver of the moon
mom said “Moon jar proportion maybe safer”
I will throw a moonjar next !