I am happy
they don’t love me anymore
to have had all my friends
and went swimming, clear water in my mouth tasting sweet,, salt water soaring my throat and swelling my tongue
that certain sun on my face that makes me remember
shaking moments of fear because i love you and relief of sacrifice and no consequence
and i can see they have made me love myself
and that’s why it is shiny the surface of the water
even though the ocean is so dark and deep
but how blue is the sea when our time is short
and i can tell your eyes will make me cry
how i forget in front of you
everything
I know I am not ill because I can feel pain !
because i have felt sick before
maybe that is why i look to get hurt
and why it feels so good
but i think it might be good now to accept being completely okay
where the dark of night is safe to sleep
walking alone but knowing i am not
feeling a swell of tears for immense happiness
I’ll stay within the ripples
until the river floods back
inhale through my ears
bits of tobacco numb my tongue
filled buckets of river
Because the dampness and the trembling and sharp edges were not beautiful
I feel there is wind inside your head
It is dark and incomprehensible
You smelled like river
This was after I let go of the dragonfly caught in a wooden box
and now there is a new scent and this one is easier to read
I singed my hair
from their roots
but we were under insulating snow cover
and it is warmer because of it
and I like when it rains because you don’t have to put out your cigarettes before flicking them off the fire escape
I caught a cold biking in the rain
Oh
I have learned that kindness makes me freeze
im sorry feels like a four hour long tower held up by a string
i guess this is why it takes me some time to thaw
Lots of clay to mold
Very plastic
Dream about folding a heavy blanket
I don't think my vocabulary knows how to express
But unfortunately I don't think that's the reason I don't feel ready
You can't fold something so thick and have it sit neatly
it pushes back no matter how long you sit on it
If you went I would maybe go
are just some words I feel in my sleep
lostless + in love w cliché
I completely understand
it is easier to place your soul elsewhere
in such a dream a flight away
and an alternate reality
so to not wake up in this one again
where the light seems always yellow and soft
and a voice soaked in something sweet like honey
so now it is extremely dark here and it is impossible to listen to anything but music
which makes you want to cry sometimes
and you wonder why you feel so lost
how lucky was I to meet you again six years later
to learn I am just really good at dreaming
happy, unfortunately
I feel ill prepared
glowing ash was shaped more like a wall
clouds below are black moving faster gliding under the above grey
my fingertips touch each other without recognition
silky however resilient
uncareful and less calculated
pulling a sliver of the moon
mom said “Moon jar proportion maybe safer”
I will throw a moonjar next !
I’m clearing over a pass
and looking at the sky less
There is a culmination within me and my words
start belonging to you
I can see my thoughts repeat
and that I pay more attention to the wall right above me on lonelier days
I really think I’m funny - the way I laugh alone
The ceiling around the lightbulb turned black
Eyes of intake
Your hands had the same feeling as sun on my skin
Air bubbles shined alkaline
I am trying to read
Unvoiced suggestions
Why do I feel sick
The edge along your irises faded more blue
I am talking to the creature I live with
Remembering
i feel ruined
not because i am weak
because i was never supposed to be treated that way
and deceit is undiscerning and furthermore
evil
Recently
I get used to each face it just becomes feeling
and I stay outside past peripheral
at what point do you trust someone to not get lost
out of sight. out of mind
I’m not friends with anyone who thinks they're going to heaven
I think the sun should get closer
Thinking about you makes the ivy grow
The way the room becomes blue in the background of the sun rising on your skin
I am no longer as green
I guess that is why
Hearing a telephone ring from the house next door felt unexpectedly comforting
Even if she picked up and answered in another language than mine
I guess getting a call from someone is something heartwarming
Remember
Why do I memorize your face
and look at the palm of my hand
I sleep with both eyes extremely closed
and I’ve been losing touch.
Satellites are as dense as clouds now
and I only look at my reflection on the trains that pass by
and constantly feel the need to invent new ways to tell time.
I've found a way to breath underwater
so my dreams have been conversations lately
Maybe you worry I don't know you
I’m trying to send a message somewhere I cannot see
My head was clear enough I spotted two stars in the green sky
I waited to see if they would move apart or closer
According to protocol
Satellites will fool you
Hail
Salting my hair
So I’m holding your pinky without a promise
How ridiculous
Knocking on an empty shell that echoes
I leave it empty so it echoes louder
to be tormented…